FEAR is False Evidence Appearing Real

Q37 Look for Proof

FEAR: False Evidence Appearing Real – Look for Proof!

Most of us think our thoughts are accurate. We trust our own thinking so much that we do not think to question our own thoughts.

That’s why I love this statement – FEAR stands for False Evidence Appearing Real. Often when we are afraid, it is not based on reality. It is based on assumptions and on inaccurate information.

When my clients express a fear, I ask them for proof. They pause, stammer a minute and then realize that they don’t have any. We are so used to just believing everything that comes to our minds that we lose the ability to examine what is at the root of our fears. I don’t want them to look silly (being unable to prove that their fear is based on reality), but at the same time, I want to teach them to question their assumptions.

For instance, a lady came to me once and said she wanted to become a confident communicator. She was afraid to start conversations at parties because she didn’t feel confident. We worked on some communication skills to help build her confidence. She improved and was ready to try out her new skills. However, she still felt afraid of “looking dumb”.

So, I asked her to prove it to me. “Are you dumb?” I asked. She gave me a shocked expression and said, “No, of course not!” Then I asked her if she had ever had trouble in school due to learning difficulties or speech impediments that made her “feel dumb” among other children. She said no.

“So how would you “look dumb” in conversation?” I asked her. I wanted her to figure out exactly what her fear was. What she realized was that “looking dumb” was a judgment. She was afraid that either someone else would judge what she had to say as “dumb” or she would think what she said was “dumb”. So we worked on these specific things. First, you cannot control other people’s judgment of you. She had to let that go. For her, the primary issue was judging herself as “dumb”. We did some work on that – to learn self-acceptance and self-compassion. And her fear melted away.

The next time she went to a social gathering, she emailed me to tell me how smoothly it went. She successfully started several conversation with strangers and acquaintances and never once did she “look dumb” in her estimation. Success!

Take some time to examine your fears. Can you find proof that what you imagine will happen actually has a good chance of happening? And if it does, then what? When we break down our fears, often we discover that they are based on a fuzzy sense of logic. By breaking them down, we can overcome them.

Try it and let me know how it works for you! ♥

Be Authentic – It’s Powerful!

Q54 Authentic is Priceless

This came to me the other night.

Just by being authentic … by being “REAL” and not fake or pretending to be something you aren’t makes a HUGE impact on those around you.

People sense authenticity. You can tell when someone is “real”, can’t you?

Somehow when you are with someone who is authentic – it frees you up. It gives you permission to just be YOU.

Since they aren’t pretending, that means they have accepted themselves. They are not trying to put on a show to get you to like them. They like who they are.

And somehow that self-acceptance translates to being free to be yourself with them.

And THAT is priceless.

The world is full of people trying to impress others – trying to fit in, to be accepted.

Rare are the ones who have stopped playing the game and have decided to simply accept themselves. With those folks, it does not matter whether you look right, talk right or even act right. You are allowed to just “be” – no performing.

What a priceless gift that is.

Thank you, Friend, for showing me that.

Pride Makes You Dumb

Q50 Pride makes you dumb

Did you know that when you are full of yourself (we call that egotism, pride or arrogance), it actually short circuits your ability to see things clearly? When we become so self-focused, we lose touch with reality.

The problem is … everyone else can see this clearly … but not us. Pride blinds you to reality. You make decisions that are self-centered and selfish quite easily when you are full of yourself, when you are only thinking of what will benefit you. Later, you realize how stupid you were. You realize how hurtful your actions were – your pride blinded you to how your choices would hurt someone you care about. But at the time, it made sense. Has that ever happened to you?

Pride also keeps you from getting input from others. When you think you know everything there is to know, you don’t ask for advice. And other people won’t offer their suggestions or ideas – they can tell you are not interested. That’s a bad place to be – we need other people’s help and guidance. They have something to offer us, but pride shuts the door on them. Without key information, we often make bad decisions.

There’s wisdom in humility. When you are humble, thinking of others and their needs as just as important as you and your needs, you actually think better. You make wiser decisions, decisions that are more loving because you are not so self-focused. You are open to receiving advice and as a result, you become a wiser person. People can tell when you are humble and they will support you in making good decisions. That’s a good place to be.

Think about this today. Choose humility. Choose to think of others, not just of yourself. Ask the Holy Spirit to cultivate humility in you – one way to do this is to ask for an increase of the Fear of the Lord. The more you are aware of the greatness of God, the more you will see how little you are – that humbles you.

I remember hearing that the cloak of humility signifies the highest rank in the kingdom. Those who wear it receive the most honor.

I would much rather deal with a humble person than a proud person, wouldn’t you?